Saturday, June 9, 2007

Today is Saturday- chalk festival

I rode the trainer this morning- Kurt Kinetics, fluid drive. I oscillate between listening to music and watching images while I ride. Today, I had a slide show of all my porn. It was particularly tough to look at porn today since I am between rejection and satisfaction.
10 minutes easy ride (aerobic pace)
30 second right leg drill; 30 second left left drill; 1 minute rest. 3X
5 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 2 minutes easy spin, easy gear
4 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 2 minutes easy spin, easy gear
3 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 1 minute easy spin, easy gear
2 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 1 minute easy spin, easy gear
1 minute hard gearing, 90 rpm. 1 minute easy spin, easy gear
2 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 1 minute easy spin, easy gear
3 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 1 minute easy spin, easy gear
4 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm. 2 minutes easy spin, easy gear
5 minutes hard gearing, 90 rpm.
10 minutes easy ride (aerobic pace)
I love porn!
Which reminds me of an interview that I had last week. I had seen this resume almost a month ago- typical: Stanford undergrad; Kellog MBA. Top tier marketing, consulting, start-up. They are all the same these days. All this schooling and experience, but these people are still fucking idiots. McKinsey consultants basically tell you what you want to hear, and if you don't like it they change their guidance to suit your needs. They charge a ton of scratch- inversely to their IQs. And they are not even nice. They are so flip and arrogant.
Anyways, this dude I interviewed had the same resume that hundreds and hundreds of people have now. They are all the same. Except, under interests, he listed Snowboarding, traveling, home brewing, hydroponics, pr0n. I remember laughing aloud and walking out to my admin to ask her to read it. She didn't say anything. I went to a few of my employees and showed them and they all said, 'looks good.' I showed my boss, but she said nothing. I finally found Keith (the dude that left) and he laughed and said, 'right on!' I knew I had to bring this guy in to interview. I needed to see this dude. I had my admin set up the usual protocol which was to have one of my team do a phone screen, and then have several of them interview with him and then finally put him in front of me. This is pretty standard for me as it puts a filter between me and the applicant and if they can make it past the first line of defense, then I can come in and say yes or no. In this case, I put him through my filter mainly to cool down my curiosity. I figured he would not make it by my team.
I usually set up 3 consecutive hour interviews and this dude was number 2 in the day. For the interview, I always frame the meeting by stating the purpose of the interview (see if there is a fit both for us (company) and you (candidate) in terms of skills, experience, needs, desires) and then I always offer up the choice (theirs) to either speak first to tell me about their experience, or to allow me to start asking questions by walking through the resume. Both methods allow me to pause and look at the resume and understand the candidate. Almost everyone chooses to speak first. Don't know why, I guess they think it shows leadership or some BS. This dude actually chose to allow me to ask questions. I was pretty pissed by this, since I had to clearly look through the resume and act like I remembered it and ask insightful questions.
Well, I started with his experience at Kellog and subsequent internship. 10 minutes in, I knew that I was fucked. This was going to be long and painful, and I have to give him his full hour out of respect. 30 Minutes in and I had not said one word yet. He had talked the whole time. During his speech, I was going over his resume and doodling on it and pretending to make notes. Every so often, I would look up and make eye contact and nod, smile, or furrow my brow. Once or twice, I would say, 'Would you please elaborate on .......' or something like that. With 15 minutes left, I finally noticed the 'interests' section.
I almost screamed with joy.
I jutted my body up and forward toward him where I was leaned back, deep into my chair prior. When I finally saw the moment, the tiny pause between words, I jumped in. ' I would like to focus on a few points, if I may?'
'Of course' he said.
'So (very vogue), when I look at your work and school experience, I get it. As you know, here at "blah blah" we value the employee's interests outside of work as well. Would you mind talking to me a bit about your outside interests?'
This dude turned as red as tofu soup. I was blown away by the instant color change.
'Listen, you know, that was poor judgment on my part. I didn't realize that that would get out like that.' He talked on and on about how it was a mistake, an accident. Meant as a joke. Blah Blah Blah.
The rattlesnake in me felt the tiny tingle of wounded prey and I coiled back.
'So, what you are saying is that you do not enjoy beer, pot and porn?'
'No, no way. Absolutely not. I drink wine and pot is illegal and porn is misogynistic.'
Fucking pussy. I mean step up. Don't put something on your resume that you don't believe in. I would rather hire some dude that admittedly parties, smokes and looks at porn, then hire some joker, pansy that back tracks.
The rattlesnake came out and just told him flatly, 'You are not what we are looking for.'
He tried to say something as if to change my mind and I just told him, 'Thank you for your time, let me walk you down to HR.'
That was a long walk for him, and during it I kept talking to him about this that or the other.
After the next interview, and when I got back to my office, just for sport, I called my team in and asked them what they were thinking by bringing in somebody like this. They were all embarrassed. And apologetic. One even said that they let him get through since I was so excited by his resume- I need to fire that moron. Yes man BS. I hate people like that.
I went to some chalk festival this morning. I met my friend Ed and his girlfriend Win. (Hmmm. I never noticed that before.) They brought their kids (I can't remember their names) and we walked around. I drank some Peronis (I like when places have italian beers) and looked at all the women in short skirts and t-shirts. Looked for whale tails and nip slips. Ed and Win's kids were good kids. They just patiently walked around and looked at the art. They got to work on a square of newly blackened street together. They got along and shared. Very strange.
At around noon, I remembered that I needed to get back home to get ready for my date, and I also remembered that I have a tattoo appointment tomorrow. I will bring my doctor's favor out with me and I will bring a j just in case. You never know.
Big weekend.
Xioba

Friday, June 8, 2007

Yesterday was Thursday- saturn, southern and bright

I have been struggling at work as of late. I have an employee who is not performing to my expectations and he is starting to make people doubt my abilities as a leader. I have been coaching this guy for about 5 months and he just doesn't seem to get it. I think he may have some learning disability. Anyway, I am working with HR, but of course due to our totally fucked country, we need to carefully document everything with this guy- fear of him suing us. He is also in a protected class. He is gay. I don't get it. I don't care who he sleeps with as long as he gets his job done. It is a shame that the people that are the worst performers are the hardest to get rid of; but, when you have a star performer, unless they get promoted quickly, they leave for more money and a better opportunity. I take care of my team. If they perform, they get rewarded. If they don't, I get tortured. I spend my days coaching and documenting. I must say, I will be very happy when this guy finally understands that he is fucked and that there is no chance he can escape what has already started. This rattlesnake has stopped shaking his tail, so be careful.
Wednesday night I had to do some volunteer time at a local Montessori school. Education is wonderful. Having knowledge and understanding of concepts and society and all the other BS our brains and actions create is truly, truly wonderful.
Thursday night I actually left work early. I canceled my meetings and went home at 2pm. I told my admin that only she and my boss could contact me. Fucking bitch obviously didn't hear a word I said. I spent the next 5 hours on the Treo, my personal cell and my lan line. Needless to say, I was very surprised when my doorbell rank. 'What the fuck!' is what I thought. When I looked through the security monitor, Sophia's beautiful face was staring back at me. She was smiling. I buzzed her in and hung up my phone. I was so surprised by her dropping in I didn't know what to do, think or say. As she walked up the to the landing, she said, 'I was calling you all day, but you never picked up. I called your admin and she told me you were at home.' When she walked up to me, her lips were the first thing to touch me. Not even a single knuckle, digit, fingernail or hangnail. Fuck. I knew that it was finally over. After a few awkward moments, I offered to make her dinner which she accepted. I made a nice mushroom risotto.
Three types of fresh mushrooms and dried porcinis. Soak the dried porcini in warm water and a splash of white wine. Chop fresh mushrooms. Ring out porcini and chop. Save broth. Medium heat. Saute the mushrooms in olive oil, butter, shallots, white onions. Deglaze with wine. Yum. Vegetable broth simmering. Carnaroli (abrorio if you are desperate.) Chop onion. Peel garlic. Mince parsley. Medium heat. Olive oil in pan which is held at an angle over the heat so that the oil pools. Once to temp add garlic. Extract all the flavor but do not burn. Remove garlic and place to the side. Pan back, flat on heat. Onions. Sizzle!. Sweat them; which means cook them till soft. Carnaroli. Stir. Coat each grain. Toasted. Add wine. Stir. Listen for rice to tell you it is time for more broth. You will hear. Add broth. Stir. Drink. Stir. Repeat. Rice whines for more. Ladle broth. Stir, drink, stir. About half way through cooking - the rice will have about doubled in size in the pan. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add mushrooms and broth, stir, drink, stir. Keep at it. Taste occasionally. You will know what you like, so right before you like it, add more broth and the porcini juice. Stir, drink, stir. Add a lot of butter- to taste, but alot. Beat the rice quickly with a wooden spoon. Keep whipping. Your arm will hurt. Turn off the heat. Put the lid on and let rest. When you serve throw on the parsley. During all this commotion, your partner will have made a salad and put out cheese and other delights. You are slightly drunk, and you will have tried to kiss her on the cheek. If she loves you, but is tired of you, you will get a peck. If she loves you, you make get some tongue. If she is over you, you will get a cheek. I got a cheek.
During dinner, we chatted like nothing had changed. After dinner, I asked what she wanted. She said that she came by to pick up her stuff. She needs to finally make a break from me. I just frowned and said ok.
My Dob had been outside the whole time cooling down, so it was primed and ready for some nice views. Sophia was upstairs purging my house of her life, and I was on the deck trying to find Jupiter or Saturn. Saturn was high and westward which allowed me to have brief views of her. Jupiter was south and bright. I could not believe how bright. At first, I found Antares. Then after more sighting, I found Jupiter and her lovely moons. The mother duck and her four babies wading through the night. I thought of Sophia and I and how we would not have any baby ducks. A tear dropped on my eyepiece and sent my view into chaos. I kept sighting on Jupiter with the hope that that would be Sophia with our children. I ran up to get her so that she could look into our future and perhaps change her mind. She came down, was blown away by the sight. 'Are those moons?' she asked. I ended up seeing one of the lower bands but no spot. When Sophia had finished disassembling our memoris, she left with abrupt awkwardness. I think she was sad, but she needed to just leave. I gave her a hug, and I could feel her holding in her breath. I wanted to tell her that it was ok and that she could breath, but I just couldn't. I am too tired from work to work on myself right now. We told each other that we would see each other around, she walked downstairs, got in her car and drove off. The end.
I put my telescope away and went straight to bed.
This morning, I found that a bad mood had crept upon me in the evening. I did not want to go to work, so I checked my schedule- the treo is such a good tool. Turns out, I had my weekly TB with the guy I am firing and I also had a lunch date with 'yellow panties'. Holy shit! I totally forgot about my lunch date, and I had almost forgotten about 'yellow panties' over the past few days. I have been way too stressed and busy. Turns out it is going to be a good day. Made the drive to work in record time. Labradford and 'waltzing matilda' on the pod. I sped through my morning meetings and made it to lunch in record time. I was whistling waltzing matilda on my way to her desk. When I came upon her, she seemed to be disinterested and annoyed by me, and even asked, 'May I help you?' When I told her that we were having lunch today, she said, 'Oh is that today? Give me one second.' Fucking lier. She got up to go and I could tell that she knew we were having lunch. Paul Frank sweatshirt- green. Jean skirt, tight. Green Adidas. She had a small tattoo on her foot- I could see it peeking over the shoe tongue and laces. Peek-a-boo! Her hair was short and brown and was done up to look like that chick from 'a bout de souffle'. The elevator came; I allowed her in and got my first inhale of her; she still had that hint of honey, tea and tobacco, but, a new scent was coming across my pallet and it made my nape tingle and arouse.
I drove us over to 'ghetto' burrito. Every time I go there, the grill guy is cooking shrimp and chopping carne or pork or chicken. I ordered a super vegetarian burrito with green rice, hot salsa, black beans, everything with no sour cream and avocado. Yes, and guacamole too. One medium aqua fresca- lime. She ordered al pastor and a red jarritos. Fork, green salsa, and meticulous eating. Hold the burrito up, like a tree, fire plug, or Italy. A bite to open the burrito up. Squirt in green salsa. Use fork to eat down into it. Bite off and eat empty tortilla. Repeat. She ate her burrito like a whore. She was messy and disorganized, the burrito was collapsing around her and her hands were covered in juice, salsa, guacamole, rice, beans, and sour cream and lettuce. She used a pile of napkins.
We actually spoke the whole time. I framed the date by saying that we could speak about one work related issue, but that I was considering this to be a date and I wanted to get to know her. She was pretty surprised by this, but was open to it.
23 years old.
Born and raised in San Mateo.
SDSU for college.
She is a singer and a dancer- salsa.
She is currently single and has just moved into her own place.
She is an admin but wants to get into program management.
Her parents are divorced and she has a brother.
She said that she feels very uncomfortable at work and has no friends there.
When we drove back to work, I asked her if she would like to do something over the weekend. I was surprised when she said that we could meet for a drink on Saturday night or we could meet for brunch on Sunday. I thought to myself: 'How about both.'
My TB with my employee was a complete joy. He tried to make a joke when we started and he could tell that the rattlesnake was not joking around. He chatted for a while, mainly excuses about this or that. We ended by me telling him that I needed him to be at a certain level, and that I was worried that he was not willing to get there; or that he could get there for some reason. I told him that over the weekend he should think upon whether or not he is willing to get there, or if he can't get there then what does he need from me to succeed. He was pretty shaken up, and I felt good.
I stopped by 'yellow panties' afterward and asked her where she wanted to meet on Saturday night. She didn't know, so I picked a place for us and said that she could meet there, or I could pick her up. She wanted to get picked up. 'Bring your overnight bag' I thought to myself. We exchanged the digis (she said it, I didn't) and we had a date set.
I got home a few hours ago, and I feel pretty good. I want to get some sleep. I will have one bourbon, and I will wake up early in the morning and take a nice, long ride.
I guess I didn't really love Sophia since I have not thought of her all day. And, the thought of seeing 'yellow panties' makes me very, very happy.
Sophia is Saturn, elusive in the southern sky on a calm June night; while Jupiter is 'yellow panites', simple, stunning, simmering with eggs balancing, waiting to get fertilized. 'Yellow panties' and I will have stunning children, and I will help her become a program manager. I want to look at the sky tonight, but I feel that I have already found what I want.
Xioba

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Today is Tuesday- white fixie

I am holding a picture of Sophia; it is a photo that she gave to me, during one long weekend, when we first started dating. I remember the weekend pretty well.
Friday night; there was a group of my friends and of Sophia's friends.
We had all met at some charity event the weekend before. We were rebuilding some school. I was painting walls and finishing floors. Sophia was working in the garden. I was sweating pretty badly, and when I went outside to get some fresh air and have a drink of gatorade I saw Sophia. She mentioned something about sweating and hard work and I replied something to the affect that 'back breaking' work is good for the active mind. Afterward, a bunch of the volunteers were going for burritios and beers, but I had ridden my bike down and I didn't feel like riding after a big meal. I was convinced (which is pretty easy to do) to join the group and I was assured that I could get a ride back home. In the end, after we ate and drank, all of my promised rides began to diminish until I was left alone. I was pretty pissed off since I had just spent a good 8 hours sweating away at some public school and now I had another 20 miles to ride back home in the dark and cold; and I had the fixie- white le gitane.
On my ride back, I came upon some hot chick in an Audi. She was stopped at a signal, smoking and looking at her cell phone. I rolled up next to her and we made eye contact. I recognized her immediately as the girl from the garden and the burritos and beers. We waved at each other and then she pulled over and ended up offering me ride home. I didn't even try to dismiss her.
The ride home was pretty pleasant and when we got to my house, I told her that I owed her dinner for her trouble and I gave her my business card and told her to call me; I shut the door, got my bike out of the trunk and started to go upstairs when she honked and waved me over. She had my business card in her hand and she was thrusting it toward me which made my stomach drop. I wondered why she couldn't just throw it away. I was relieved when she handed it back to me with her number and email address and she said, 'No, you call me when you are ready.' We said our goodbyes and she was off.
I gave it about 10 minutes- enough to get a beer and a J- and I called her. When she answered I explained myself and said that I was ready to take her out. We agreed on Tuesday night.
We went out Tuesday and Wednesday and then met our friends from the week before on that Friday.
The whole evening, I felt anxious and uneasy being around Sophia, and the whole time I just wanted to take her away and kiss her. We were at a bar- the one with the guy who wore a suit and dressed like a devil. He never said anything, ever. I think he used to wear a hat as well. He had long disappeared or died or had been committed by the time Sophia and I spent the evening there with friends, but I think there might have been a photo of him near the bar. It was early fall, but we were all dressed in sweaters. I was wearing my black 'dock worker's' cable knit sweater. Underneath it I had on my black 'Dare' t-shirt. I had on Diesel jeans which I always wear. I am so obsessive at times. Costume ankle boots, brown.
Sophia was wearing a dark brown dress with some sort of floral markings. She had a white cashmere sweater. Her shoes were heeled and made sense with her clothes. Her hair was up, and she had a tiny splash of makeup on her cheeks, a few dark lines on eyelids, and her lips appeared to be moist but natural. I couldn't stop staring at her all night. We remained separate the whole evening, but on the occasion where we would come close to each other she would always reach out with her hands and touch my hand, or touch my leg, or my shoulder, or my elbow. The night went on and on until it was finally just the two of us alone together in the bar. I could barely get my words out as I was so overwhelmed with joy and urgent emotion. I asked if she would like to spend the weekend together out at my beach house to which she agreed, but said that she needed to go home for the night and we could meet in the morning. Of course.
Late Friday night, early Saturday morning, I went to the store for supplies for the weekend. Water, salad, pasta, veggies, fruit, fakin, snausages, eggs, juice, bread, olives. Saturday morning, around 9ish, I picked her up at her house. We took the long way to the house, so that I could stop by and get some cheese and some other necessities. I have plenty of wine at the house. Probably around 400+ bottles. Mostly Italian and French. I love Californian wine but, it is too 'big' for the beach. I am pretty weak with Spanish and Australian.
All weekend we read and cooked and drank and smoked and listened to music and walked on the beach and played cards and then we did it all over again well. We were in bed early. I gave her the master bedroom (Dux) and I took one of the other guest rooms. On Sunday morning, I could hear her in the kitchen. She was trying to make some coffee, but she couldn't (maybe didn't want to) figure out how to work the machine. I got up and walked out into the other room and there she was- her hair was up (as usual), her glasses were set lightly on her nose and were masking the sleep from the night before, she had on a brown t-shirt which was too short on her arms and too short for her body; the chill of the morning was creeping up; her black panties were taught and smooth. She was all legs, arms and neck. I think I actually turned my head down in embarrassment. I fixed her coffee for her and got the morning rolling. I made breakfast and prepped for lunch. We chatted the whole day, and it was so natural that I can't remember what was actually said. After lunch, another walk on the beach. Then an early dinner and cleaning up the house.
On the way back to the city, I stopped at the pub- the one near the Buddhist farm- and we got a few pints. We sat in the back on those uncomfortable wooden benches- I felt like I was in church the whole time, and based on my thoughts from that evening, I am damned.
We ended up taking a walk out on the grounds. I remember the sounds of our footfalls on the fall shrubs, the smell of the damp peat and the cold drips- tears of acknowledgment from barren trees that it is going to be a harsh winter. The cold was frightening in its warmth and the darkened sky was speckled with the knowledge that the present is precious and we are fleeting. The night birds and spiders surely blushed from what happened next.
We started kissing. It started with a slight touch of her hand on my face and then we were entwined. At first, we were slow, but deep in our kiss. Our tongues were so supple and smooth while our lips were firm. I opened my eyes to look at her and she appeared to be drifting off like low flying clouds in the night. We became more deliberate in our approach, and my hands became more liberal in exploration. Before I knew it, I was on my knees and I was digging my face deep into her crotch. She did not protest, but seemed unsure, so I did the right thing. I unbuttoned her pants to reveal her black panties and then I buried my face deep into the warm, smell of her beautiful pussy. Somehow (ingenuity is the something of invention), I was able to get one leg out of her pants which allowed me to get full access into her. I was kissing, and tonguing, and nibbling her labia through her panties; I would only pause to take deep, deep breaths of her. Her scent rolled right over my pallet and deep into my heart. Her panties were now a deep, dark black and loose enough around the edges to allow my tongue to slip in to get a clean taste of skin and hair. I continued to eat deeply into her, and I cupped each ass cheek in the crook of my arms and did not let go until she came. She screamed slightly, and thrust her arms down upon my shoulders as if to escape the pangs of ecstasy.
Her purse had fallen from her shoulder and had spilled its contents onto the wet ground.
As I slowly regained my awareness, I could see a small photo on the ground looking back up at me. It was a photo of a small child. She was sitting on a small chair and was intently looking at an object. She was shirtless, but was diapered. The light from the room daubed her face and her hair and set the mood as being warm and welcoming. The child's eyes were focused, serene and curious and showed that she was peaceful, content and cognizant. I reached down and picked up the photo. Sophia said, 'That is a picture of me. My dad took it of my one Sunday evening.'
Xioba.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Yesterday was Sunday- some shitty street fare

I spent the day Saturday cleaning up my house. I just got a new airport and airport extreme on the Mac and I set it up so that I could wireless into the Bose. I set it to 'shuffle' and pushed play. 8953 songs over 25.6 days. Seems like a lot. I like the shuffle setting since it allows me to listen to things that I always forget that I have, but the worst part about it is that it pairs Fugazi, the 6ths and Arcade Fire (who I can't stand, but Sophia gave me their Funeral disk)- I am not sure if it actually did do this pairing, but you get the idea. Anyway, you get into some groove and then all of a sudden you listen to something that you don't want.
Back to Arcade Fire. I am not a big fan. I know that they get critical raves and all the fashion magazines like them and their shows are amazing blah blah blah. But, seriously, the first time I heard them, I immediately thought of the Dead, Dave Matthew, Live, Pearl Jam, Cold Play and U2. Bands that get critical praise, and are touted as 'Live' bands, but, bands that are soulless, insincere and boring.
I went to a Dead concert many, many years ago at Shoreline. I took too much acid and smoked a J with a dude who was 'deflowering' me- it was my first show. I stripped down to my shorts and spent 2 hours walking from one end of the amphitheater to the next. I was trying to escape the miserable, miserable sound that would not stop. The chick I was with was getting all pissed at me, but I could not get far enough away from the noise, but also couldn't leave- she drove me down. Sadly, the outhouses were my only refuge, but the refuse, heat and stink inside of them were only slightly worse then the music outside which made me tolerate it for only so long. One or the other, at some point you need to choose. I remember the mounds of poop, toilet paper and bloodied rags made me feel very sad for our world. When the show finally ended, I was so pleased that I started shouting and shouting. I was sunburned, I stunk, my feet were disgusting and I lost all my stuff, but I was finally free.
On the drive home the chick (Rachel or Annie) was so pissed at me. She kept complaining about how I ruined the show for her since I would not just sit still and listen to the music. When we got back to her place she wanted to shower, but I opted for a bath which ended up disgusting me since I was so darn filthy- the water was so dark and nasty, but it made me feel oddly comfortable. It brought me back to a moment in my childhood when my father returned from a month long trip in India. He was tired and he smelled of carved wooden elephants and spice. All he wanted to do was to take a bath. I sat with him as he bathed. I missed him so much, and all I wanted to do was to fill up my head with his image; he just sat in the bath, his head down and droopy from being away from his family. He seemed to be a bit sad; kinda like he just lost 30 or so days of being with his kids. He probably did the math in his head and determined that that was a rather large price to pay considering that over a lifetime, you don't get too many days with your kids.
Back to the Dead show. After the bath, I had a quick beer, another J and then I fucked the chick in the ass. When I finished, she became even more pissed at me, but, even with the really speedy acid, I just passed out. For whatever reason, she let me sleep undisturbed and then kicked me out. Friggin Deadhead chicks are so annoying.
I imagine that Arcade Fire shows are very similar. A bunch of boring, annoying, self important music. I am sure they sell fancy beer and have clean bathrooms, but in the end, you just want to go home, get laid and pass out; and in the end you are too embarrassed to tell your friends that you hated it.
I can hear it now, "Man, you have no idea what you are talking about. To see [insert band here: Cold Play, Arcade Fire, Dave Matthews, U2, the Dead, etc.] live is the most incredible thing. They are so much better live then on disk. I saw them on December 12th in Los Angeles and then on December 13th in Anaheim. And both days were the most amazing shows, yet totally unique and different......." ad nauseam. I guess this is where we learned tolerance to humanity.
My simple and very accurate retort would be, 'Well, yes, I see and appreciate your point of view, but in my opinion, if a band is different every time that they play live then they must not be very good. Seems more gimmicky and false. Come to all our shows! We need your money.'
Didn't Cold Play rip off that song that everybody likes from some Chinese chick band. The best acting Gwyneth ever did was to play a severed head in Seven. I think Keven Spacey and Brad Pitt conspired on that last scene so that they could end the un-acting tour de farce. I guess she won an oscar, is wealthy and has an accent now so she is definitely better than me. I bet she is good in bed. But, at some point, even that surfer dude is going to get bored of hitting that and he will stray. Off into Sting's secret, magical, organic garden with the cook or the seamstress or the admin; eighty times higher than the moon; nightshades and legume salads with the hired help; touring to escape the un-ending tour de farce. She does have a nice, small waist, but her belly button seems to be odd shaped. She was good in that movie with the guy with the mole on his face. He is funny. I think she played the same character in that movie and the other movie about the gay kid that moves in with the shrink. I liked the scene with the cat under the hamper. That cat was so peaceful, a true Buddhist.
I have a story to tell about a cat, but I will save it for later.
Remind me.
Yesterday I went for a ride early, it was cold and then it was hot and then cold again. I was sweaty and stickily sweet from cytomax, so I got attacked by wasps on the top of the mountain and then got passed by some 'Pros'. In the home stretch, the fog and wind and rain hit me hard. I had already bonked and did not have a lot left in me. I got stuck behind a big yellow school bus with fluorescent flowers applied all over it.
After a quick shower, I met some friends at some street fare in the city. White tents, grilled food, beer, wares and tons of yuppies. It was a cool day, but all the 20 and 30 year olds were all wearing short, tight revealing clothes. Much like the Dead show at Shoreline, I kept going from one end of the fare to the other- doing 'laps' like we say in Italian.
Except in this case, I was trying to find somebody and not trying to escape a horrible noise. I knew that Sophia would be at the street fare since it was close to her flat.
One lap, then two laps.
Clockwise, counterclockwise.
My friends were pissed at me. They just wanted to meander and drink and look for single women. I was ruining their day, but, I was too obsessed with finding the magic combination of laps and luck so that I could bump into and see Sophia. For hours I wandered about. Changing direction every so often. When I finally did see her, she was with her friends and she looked happy and easy. I don't think that she saw me, and I positioned myself so that I could continue to watch her while avoiding discovery. I ducked into a shop when I feared she may come my way.
And then she was gone.
In a moment of panic, I scanned and searched the surroundings. I could not see her, so I phoned her. Her end rang three or four times and then she answered.
A simple, 'Hello there.'
By her voice and intonation, I was unclear of how she felt; in a moment of pure moronic thought, I told her the truth.
'I am at the street fare and I just saw you with Stella, Paola and Trish and you looked really happy and content, so I hid from you. I didn't want to disturb your day, but I wanted to say hello.'
'That is so sweet, I mean, not that you hid, but that you were watching me.' she said (she actually seemed happy to speak to me.)
'You know what, I can't really speak right now. Can I call you later?' she asked.
Once again, in complete idiocy I truthfully told her, 'You know what, I just wanted to say hi and hear your voice. Listen, I don't like being away from you and I really, really miss you, but unless I clean up my behavior we won't have a chance. And I want a chance to be with you.' (or something similar).
We chatted for a few more seconds and then said goodbye.
I don't remember what she said to me, but I can tell you about how I felt. My ears were ringing a low pitched, shallow ring. I had dry mouth and my pulse was approaching an anaerobic pace. I had a horrible sense of dread and disease settle into my mind. I wanted so desperately to run up to her and grab her and kiss her and plead for her to come home. I wanted her friends to watch me kiss her and have them envy her. They would cry and applaud and then shoo us off into our chariot, and we would be happy.
That is what happens when you date Gwyneth. You could cheat on her and beat her and lock her in a dungeon, and call her names in front of the children, but if you ran up to her in a crowded plaza and threw white roses at her feet and genuflected like a miscreant who saw the light (in my case, I would bend down to catch a glimpse of the white poof of her panties under her skirt) she would forgive you and take you back. Win her back with fake dramatic lighting, extras and some compressed, shoddy, simple dialog and all would be forgotten. Have her act out the part of being the strong, liberated woman that can forgive.
When you date real women, you can't be fake, it just ain't right. It is disrespectful to men. We have come too far to get caught up in the heartstrings of some shitty movie that made us cry many years ago. I want Sophia to know that I am not some pussy whipped moron that will say anything to her to have her come home and 'coccolare' away my insecurities. I want her to recognize that though she has come a long way since Lucy I am still willing to be a man and drag her home with a club and some long hairy arms. I want her to know that I am working on myself and I am doing it for her, but ultimately, it is going to make me better which will make her want me more, she won't be able to resist. I am not going to change the way I think for her, but I am willing to listen to her needs and then meet them with manly hands, thoughtless words and shallow emotions.
She is so hot. She was glistening in the sun. She appeared to be slightly drunk and swathed in sunblock and lotion. I could see that she was not wearing a bra and her skirt was cut just above her knees. She has great knees. So bony and sharp on the sides and smooth and round on top. Like Brilliant diamonds.
Going home half drunk after a long day of looking at 20 year olds in tank tops is tough to do, but it was the right thing to do.
Monday at work was pretty busy, but I did manage to stop by 'yellow panties' and we are having lunch on Friday.
Xioba